Being a stay at home dad is tough work, ‘the hardest job I ever done’ some brave men have even reported. It can be frustrating and lonely at times, but the experience is also one that is extremely rewarding and fulfilling. With an increase in the number of SAHD’s (downturn in the economy, redundancies, unemployment, cost of childcare services), many dads are now finding themselves in unchartered waters and in one of the most challenging jobs of their careers.
To help you stay afloat (and sane!) here are 10 handy Survival Tips to help guide you in this new role:
1. Routine:
By having a regular routine you and your children will understand what is going on on a daily basis, keeping meal and bedtimes at regular times each day allows you the opportunity to factor in other necessary duties such as the housework, whilst also ensuring a degree of structure for your children which any stay-at-home parent will tell you is of paramount importance. Consider implementing a nap-time schedule for your kids which will give you a welcomed window of opportunity to stop for a nice cuppa and a read of the paper.
2. Manage:
Write down what needs to be done on a given day and don't set yourself unrealistic goals such as cleaning the entire house (as if!), and don't stress out if the kids are acting up right up until the moment mum walks in the door! Which brings us to...
3. Expectations:
Keep your expectations low and flexible. Trying to get everything done and accomplishing very little can be very disheartening especially when you are called on to entertain the wee ones. Your partner will not expect everything done at once in the one day.
4. Fresh Air:
Being stuck in the house with children all day every day can cause a strain on any parent, so make an effort to get out of the house. A little fresh air and physical activity will make the day go by more quickly and help break up the routine; it may also contribute to a better night’s sleep for all. If the weather is unfriendly go for a drive – do not underestimate how excited children can get at the idea of going to the bottle bank!
5. Bad-Sitters:
It can be very tempting to switch on the TV or let your kids play video games so that you can grab a little downtime, make a call, or do the housework, but use this ‘bad-sitter’ sparingly. Reading or painting at the kitchen table will offer your children far more mental stimulation.
6. Social Interaction:
One of the hardest parts of being a SAHD is the lack of daily adult company. Some dads feel a sense of isolation and at times even loneliness, it is therefore essential that you do your utmost to talk to people who are having the same experiences as you. Call up a friend and set a play-date, or join a local playgroup. Granted, it can be quite daunting to go into a predominantly female environment, such as parent and toddler groups, however you will be pleasantly surprised with the reception you receive as many groups are very welcoming of dads.
7. Join a Club:
It is very important for you to have your own interests / hobbies that don’t relate to your children. Keep your mind active, this retains your identity and it also means that you will have something else to talk about with your partner & friends rather than your children. Have you considered writing a blog?
8. Have Fun:
It’s not going to be easy but what is important is that you have fun with it, try to relax (if that’s the right word!) and appreciate the time that you spend with the kids (which of course you will be thankful of later in life). What you will soon realise is that it is actually very difficult to return into the workforce if you are in a temporary arrangement as a SAHD. Dads who do return to ‘employment’ complain of being less happy in their new posts than they were at home raising the family – so enjoy the time with the kids when you have it!
9. Acceptance:
It’s ok to feel a bit reminiscent about life prior to ‘house husbandry’. The fact that you feel awkward doesn't mean you hark to be back in the workplace, accept that what you're doing is in the best interest of the family. Some dads have confessed to feeling a little less ‘manly’ and insecure in their new roles, afraid that their friends and even their partners would look at them differently. Putting your family first is the number one principle in parenting; it is what we try our best to do in life. If you are feeling insecure talk with your partner, never suppress any anxieties / insecurities as doing so may result in ill-health including depression.
10. Relationship:
It is not only important that you some get ‘me-time’ but that you also set aside time to be with your partner. Organise to get a babysitter in to mind the kids in the evening / during the day on the weekend so that you and your partner can get out for a meal or to see a movie.
