When my own wife was expecting I would wake several times in the night after being kicked in the back - Cantona style. A very strange feeling indeed, but it certainly made me feel reassured that all was well within bellysville and the wee lad or lass residing was only having some fun disturbing daddy’s sleep. In the morning my wife would say that ‘she’, convinced that it was a girl, was very active all night. For some reason the ‘all’ night part seemed to play on my mind for quite some time afterwards – what if we were to have a baby who had the sleeping habits of Count Dracula? My theory was that an active baby in the womb at night was inevitably an active baby out of the womb at night – my theory was to be successfully proven.
So followed months of Zombie Dad shuffling from one side of the room to the other, singing, rocking, chanting, rapping and crying, me not the baby, hoping that indeed she would eventually fall off to sleep and that we could put some distance between that wonderful moment and the start of the next feed. I will not lie to you; it was the hardest four months or so of my life. Lack of sleep can have an awful effect on the mind and body. I will spare you the details of the various embarrassing situations at work or the near death driving experiences. Not only does sleep deprivation come as a big shock to new dads but it is one of the main causes of post paternal depression, yes, you read that correctly, new dads can actually suffer from what is commonly known as the ‘baby blues’.
To help you cope with the sleepless nights I have included a few useful tips compiled with the bleary-eyed assistance of a fraternity of new fathers:
Be Prepared in Advance: Notwithstanding the preparation that goes into getting things ready for the new arrival, new dads must ready themselves with a plentiful supply of rest and relaxation beforehand, so early to bed in the run up to baby’s first appearance in the family homestead. This does not mean switching to watching the TV in bed!
Routine, Routine, Routine: I must say that it was and still is a routine that has helped this dad survive the path of parenting. If you stick to a rigid routine, especially in the early days, your body will adjust better - I guarantee you that. If ‘possible’ try also to get to bed shortly after the last feed in the evening.
Night On / Night Off: I would also strongly advise a system whereby you take it in turns to do more of the feeds over one day / night (but not all!) this will give you and your partner the opportunity of getting a decent chunk of sleep within a given period.
I will assume, hopefully, that you have not thumped your chest and said “me work, you feed”, nor will I go on about the bond between a new dad and his new baby, new dads should try to do their best by their partner’s and help out as best they can with the feeds. Now, if only men could breastfeed this situation would be a whole lot easier, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to opt out on sharing the responsibilities of feeding. Your partner can express milk and keep it in a sterile bottle in the fridge, thus giving your partner a break from an evening feed(s) or the middle of the night one(s) (yes really!) Bottle fed babies – you daddy’s have nowhere to hide!
Get Help: Seek support from family and relatives, especially in the early days, be it to call round to allow you get out, or more importantly to take a nap. A quick 20 minute shut eye will do you the world of good. Re-charge when baby sleeps. Accept that the housework may also take a backseat for a while. Try and avoid being the ‘we want to do it on our own’ new parents, this principle seem to fall more on new parents of first-borns, you learn your lesson by the time the second one comes a knocking!
Eat Well & Exercise: Remember to take care of dad; a sluggish ratty father is about as useful as a pram without wheels. Take yourself and baby out for a walk in the fresh air – this will give you both a better quality of sleep. Takeaways are often a new parent’s best friend in the beginning, do your best to avoid heavy starchy late night eating and instead consider healthy snacks over regular periods and ensure you drink plenty of fluids (and not too much of the brand that gives you wings!). Consider too a general multi-vitamin.
Sleep Battles: Avoid unnecessary conflict. A common subject for argument amongst new parents is the battle over who had the most sleep. Lack of sleep affects both parents, so if you or your partner had a difficult night, try and be supportive and arrange for them to get a nap when next possible. Also dads, you do not win an argument with ‘well I have an important meeting in the morning’ – play fair and be flexible.
Networking: Try and make contact with other new dads in a similar situation or talk to other dads who have been through it before. It is always comforting to know that other dads are going through the same thing as you.
Take sanctuary in knowing that it doesn’t last forever, the regular sleep pattern will eventually return but know that you are now a parent the constant worry about your offspring may cause one or two sleepless nights that may well extend beyond after they have left the nest.
